"I grew up in a home tended by a mother who was religious and devotional. Although not always deeply religious, I did realize that it was something that I gravitated towards. However, many a times, the drama – and the melodrama – of the religious could put off many, including me. So, I would end up with questions. Lots of questions.
It was in 2003 when I was in US and travelling for work that I seriously started looking at the Spiritual side. It was important since in the entire chaos I found that I was losing myself. It was a journey in questioning for most part. I would start my day with questions and end it with questions. Sometimes, if I was lucky, I would get some answers which would open yet more questions in my mind. During this time, two authors led me in this journey – J. Krishnamurti and Sage Vashishta. Two people 7000 years apart, but saying things which at the core of it, were very similar. As ruthlessly razor sharp Krishnamurti was, it was Sage Vashistha in his dialog with Rama "Yoga Vashishta" who shocked me all the time. My many walls were coming down. Influenced by both, I would run away from Gurus.
That was when (in 2004) my mentor at my job introduced me to this "logical and wise Guru" Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev. His insistence that I go to him was met by not just skepticism but outright hostility towards the Guru. I came to realize a little later that even my sister had been initiated by Sadhguru. But that didn't help me either. For 5 years, I worked very hard to run away from the influence or impact of Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev. I didn't want a Guru and certainly not one who was into motorcycles etc. But over the years, I would happen to read his thoughts on a friend's (Kavita Chhibber) website. She was interviewing him for her articles and would also publish my blog articles. I would go to see my articles published there and end up reading Sadhguru's interviews.
In those times, I realized that here was one person with whom I just couldn't disagree with. I could find lack of spiritual depth in many commentators and so-called Masters, but it was tough to evaluate Sadhguru.
In 2009, while coming out of a grocery store in Katy, I chanced upon a flyer for an upcoming teacher-led Inner Engineering program in Houston. I was between jobs and not really busy, so thought "what the heck, lemme see what Sadhguru is finally all about? At least I may learn some yoga and come back." I enrolled for the program half-heartedly.
When the program started it was one high after another. Every day was a day of "revelation". It was as if I was on "fast forward" on a Spiritual Graduate program where Liberation was the final prize. The final initiation by Sadhguru is the most amazing element of the entire program. When I came out, I was never the same again from inside. Something in me had changed. Outwardly, although I can't say I have a Yogi's peace and calm all the time, yet at the most difficult moments of my life, I was able to dissociate myself from it all.
Many profound experiences happened after that which are best left unsaid. That one half-hearted decision in the grocery store in Katy took me to a door which has taken me to the most profound journey I could have expected.
A friend of mine, who knew of my earlier attitude towards Sadhguru – where I would run away from him – asked me "How come you have become his follower and become his believer?". I thought for a moment and replied – there is nothing to believe in Sadhguru or follow him. You can experience what is important in you. It doesn't matter if what he said is a fact or not, I KNOW it is True. Just like one doesn't need to believe in Sun. You KNOW it is there.
This journey, therefore, is not about the Guru. It is about our ownself. Inner Engineering was a doorway to know the one person I had always missed in my life. Myself."
-Desh Kapoor
Katy, TX
