Looking at the meaning of true love, Sadhguru gives us a powerful process to take love beyond words and make it an enduring quality within.

Sadhguru: The English expression, “Falling in love,” is significant because no one rises in love or climbs in love. You fall in love, because something of who you are has to go. If not the whole of you, at least a part of you should collapse. Only then there is a love affair. You are willing to destroy a bit of yourself for the sake of the other. It essentially means someone else has become far more important than yourself.

Love is not a mutual benefit scheme

Unfortunately, what most people call “love” is just a mutual benefit scheme.

One day, a man named Shankaran Pillai went to a park. There was a pretty woman sitting on a stone bench there. He went and settled down on the same bench. After a few minutes, he moved a little closer to her. She moved away. Again, he waited for a few minutes and inched a little closer to her. She moved away. He waited again, and then inched even closer. By then she had moved to the very end of the bench. He reached out and put his hand on her. She shrugged him off. He sat there for a while, then went down on his knees, plucked a flower, gave it to her and said, “I love you. I love you like I have never loved anybody in my life.”

She melted. Nature took over and they had their way with each other. It was getting late in the evening; Shankaran Pillai got up and he said, “I need to leave. It’s eight o’clock. My wife will be waiting.”

She said, “What? You’re leaving? You just said you loved me!”

“Yes, but it’s time. I need to go.”

If you can look at everything lovingly, the whole world becomes beautiful in your experience. You realize love is not something that you do; love is the way you are

Generally, we have made relationships within frameworks that are comfortable and profitable for us. People have physical, psychological, emotional, financial or social needs. One of the best ways to fulfill these needs is to tell people, “I love you.” This so-called “love” has become like a mantra: open sesame. You try to get what you want by saying it.

Every action that we do is in some way to fulfill certain needs. If you see this, there is a possibility that you can grow into love as your natural quality. But people go on fooling themselves into believing that the relationships they have made for convenience, comfort and wellbeing, are actually relationships of love. I am not saying there is no experience of love at all in those relationships, but it is within certain limitations. It does not matter how much “I love you” has been said, if a few expectations and requisites are not fulfilled, things will fall apart.

The meaning of true love


When you talk about love, it has to be unconditional. There is really no such thing as conditional love and unconditional love. It is just that there are conditions and there is love. The moment there is a condition, it just amounts to a transaction. Maybe a convenient transaction, maybe a good arrangement – maybe many people made excellent arrangements in life – but that will not fulfill you; that will not transport you to another dimension. It is just convenient.

When you say “love,” it need not necessarily be convenient; most of the time it is not. It takes life. Love is not a great thing to do, because it eats you up. If you have to be in love, you should not be. You as a person must be willing to fall, only then it can happen. If your personality is kept strong in the process, it is just a convenient situation, that’s all. We need to recognize what is a transaction and what is truly a love affair. A love affair need not be with any particular person; you could be having a great love affair, not with anybody in particular, but with life.

What you do, what you do not do, is according to circumstances around you. Our actions are as the external situation demands. What you do outside of yourself is always subject to many conditions. But love is an inner state – how you are within yourself can definitely be unconditional.

Make love your quality

When you talk about love, it has to be unconditional. There is really no such thing as conditional love and unconditional love

If you are life, it is very natural to love. Every human being is capable of love but unfortunately, many have crippled themselves with all kinds of belief systems, opinions, philosophies, ideologies – everything except life.

Love is not imported from heaven

People either profess to love God or believe God loves them. The assumption is that love is a quality that needs to be imported from Heaven. But does anyone really know whether God loves or not? We bow down to whoever created this grand creation – a creation that boggles the mind. We bow down to the creator, but you don’t know whether he is love or joy or peace.

Love is a human emotion

Human beings are capable of love when they are willing. Unfortunately, we want to export everything that is beautiful in our life to heaven and live wantonly on this planet. Love, joy, blissfulness – these are human possibilities.

A simple process

Love is not something to do with someone else. Love is never between two people. It is what happens within you, and what happens within you need not be enslaved to someone else. For 15 to 20 minutes daily, go sit with something that means nothing to you – maybe a tree, or a pebble, or a worm or an insect. After some time, you will find you can look upon it with as much love as you do your wife or husband or your mother or your child. Maybe the worm does not know this. That doesn’t matter. If you can look at everything lovingly, the whole world becomes beautiful in your experience. You realize love is not something that you do; love is the way you are.

Editor’s Note: Don’t forget to check out the DVD “Love – A Chemical Hijack“, where Sadhguru and renowned filmmaker Shekhar Kapur explore the different dimensions of love.

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POSTED IN:Lifestyle, Relationships
TAGS: Love
  • Bharat

    This clears all the questions that I have about human relations. I am sure anyone who reads this will get out of the blurry image of what society thinks “love” is. I believe any one who understands this and does a self check on their relationships will surely be happy and make their relations prosper. I never came across anyone who can explain things as simply and as clearly as Sadhguru does. I am going to keep his words in my heart and see how I can implement those in my life to make myself and people around me happy. Feeling blessed to have tasted a drop of Isha!!

  • Vikram

    I read this in the early morning time, Every point written here is so very important for my life at this time. If an except was so much interesting, I can’t wait to read the book “Three Truths of Well Being”

  • Janelle Timtim Andog

    love is happy for you

  • Ranjani

    oooh….how to express gratitude to my master???….sometimes I wonder and fear because I am certain this one tiny life of mine can certainly not be sufficient to express my gratitude..so will I have to come back just for this and if that is the case…how many more millions…I wonder and even then, not sure if I will ever be able to pour out my gratitude..it is just bubbling and overflowing all the time like flood….i want this flood to be on no matter how long Sadhguru…Please bless me to keep this on…that is all.

  • krishnaraj thiruvengadasamy

    Words that goes straight to the heart

    • danica

      true love

  • Jaya

    Oh creator you have set such a game of love dont know way out. I think time for guru

  • Dj Moonlight

    wow this is very right and helpful to us that need to love…not just words but action

  • aljaff

    Good points.

  • Marsden Clifford Kadenge

    When you talk about love, it has to be unconditional. There is really no such thing as conditional love and unconditional love

  • suresh mahadik

    love is great feeling i love you

  • अभिमन्यु सिंह

    I deem it’s our good luck to have such these enlightening ideas about love!!!
    love is not what you do love is the way you are.
    I BOW AT YOUR FEET , SADhguru mahraj ji

  • अभिमन्यु सिंह

    Love should be equal to all

  • Cristina Sese

    “When u talk about love . It has to be unconditional. ” So, my husband doesn’t love me unconditionally?i think his not. To the point, he wants me to be a Registered nurse so i can be valuable wife. And to the point his sister insulted me and he did not say anything or protected me about it. Im confuse. I want to think that he loves me unconditionally but i dont feel it. He is 46yrs old and im 26.

  • DebamitroChakraborti

    Two of the pictures are nice – the one with the fingers and the the one with the cat and the dog. Wonder from where you got those!

  • Yoonji Kim